Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
