they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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