well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
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some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
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How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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