he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
