so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
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Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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