Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
