weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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