Dude my mom stole all your condoms
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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