so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
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the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
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No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize