i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
