Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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