I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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