fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
