he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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