I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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