The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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