My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
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I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
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It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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