You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
