As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
