Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
