i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
