oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
