We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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