guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
