Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
being pregnant is like rehab
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
