Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
