YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
She's the barista slut.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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