Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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