This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
