Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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