I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
