my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
