okay pat passed out under dana's car
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
