he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
