Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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