I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
