I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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