I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Let's get the cat blown out
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
