The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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