Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
