At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
