My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
look no pants
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
