I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
