You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
