He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
