Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
