I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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