Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
