hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
