So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I have demons in me.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
