Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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