pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i think i just naturally attract stoners
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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