think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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