Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
