I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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