I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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