also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Green mimosas i think yes
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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