I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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