the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Someone shattered a urinal.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
