my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
