can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
