i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
