turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
