Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
