You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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